Shining the light of God's word into our confused world.

Tag: inspiration

Trusting God’s Promises

I said something about posting weekly in my last post, didn’t I? Hmm. Clearly, I still need to work on that goal.

That last post, or the headspace I was in when I wrote it, was, as it turned out, a brief reprieve from a bit of a dark tea time. I can’t even tell you exactly what my problem has been these last several weeks. It was a combination of factors, certainly, most of which have spiffy acronyms: SAD, PCOS, PMS, ADHD and DST. Also, tension headaches, allergy attacks, hypothyroid fatigue, not eating right, not getting enough exercise, not getting enough sleep. Blah.

I really am feeling better and coming out of my funk now, though, especially now that I’ve had some time to adjust to DST. As much as losing that hour messed me up for a week, I think overall having that extra hour of daylight in the evening is helping me feel back to normal. So is the warmer weather.

So this post is coming a couple of weeks after I’d originally wanted to write it, but the following thoughts still apply.

I had been working through this devotional, Trusting God with Your Dream by Suzanne Elizabeth Anderson. I’m done with it now, and I think it also helped get me to a more positive place. I think I’ve mentioned before in this blog something about how I seem to have trouble believing that God wants to bless me. I’ve never doubted that He’s able to, but I have a difficult time with the concept that he wants to.

There are a lot of things at work here. Part of it is having grown up with the prosperity gospel, and then growing into a more mature understanding of God, that He is not a genie who exists to grant our wishes and make our lives on this earth awesome and painless, but that we exist to please and glorify Him, and sometimes pain is part of that journey to becoming who He created us to be. I think maybe I’ve pulled so far back from the idea of the Health and Wealth God that I’ve begun to err on the other side. And some of it is that, well, I’ve endured a LOT of pain throughout my life — much of the worst of it crammed into the last five years.

So it’s a struggle for me, at times, not to dwell on the past, or on our present difficulties re: finding sufficient work. And if you keep getting knocked down every time you try to get up, eventually you’re just going to want to stay down. But I’m believing that God wants me to keep getting up, that He’s here to help me. He’s never left me, and yes, he wants to provide good things for me.

As I was reading through this devotional, one verse in particular stood out for me in stark relief:

“The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast desert. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything.” ~Deuteronomy 2:7

Part of why this verse resonated so much is that I’m turning 41 in a couple of weeks. And in a lot of ways, the first 40 years of my life have been something of a desert. Oh, there’s been the odd oasis here and there where I’ve found some rest and relief. My marriage is one such oasis, and for that I’m so incredibly grateful. But without going into too much detail, going back to my childhood, I’ve survived abuse, bullying, loneliness, depression, loss, grief, financial hardship, health issues, betrayal by my own body…  nothing that a million other people haven’t endured, but that doesn’t make it any less of a struggle.

But I know that God has been with me. I can look all the way back to my childhood and see God’s presence and the difference it made. The difference it’s still making. It’s the power that lets me be a victor over all of my past pain, and not a victim of it. It’s the source of the strength I’ve always had to get back up again.

These forty years, the Lord my God has been with me, and I have not lacked anything.

That promise is comforting. The one that proceeds it is encouraging: The Lord my God has blessed me in all the work of my hands.

See that? “Has blessed.” Past tense.

I’ve been struggling along, frustrated that none of my work for the last several months hasn’t seemed to be bearing any fruit, and letting myself doubt that God wants to bless the work of my hands, and wondering why. But he has already blessed my work. I need to accept that. I need to stand firm on it and believe it. I need to trust it.

This passage of scripture was written to the children of Israel when they were still wandering the desert following the Exodus from Egypt. Soon afterwards, in the forty-first year, they entered the promised land, and they conquered it and became a great nation.

I’m believing today that my forty-first year is going to be a year of promise, in which I’m going to start seeing the fruits of my labor. I’m going to exit the desert of my past and leave it behind for good, and I will be an overcomer, and by the grace of the Lord my God, I will be victorious.


How I Got Over the “Stigma” of Self-Publishing

How I got over the stigma of self-publishing

Six Books by lusi on

Over the last few years there’s been an explosion in self-publishing, with the advent of not just the e-reader, but accessible technology that makes publishing an e-book easy, low- or no-cost, and potentially very lucrative. And it’s not just e-books, either. Gone are the days of vanity presses where an author who couldn’t get published the traditional way would have no other option but to pay thousands of dollars to buy a print run of their book and then be on their own for selling all of those copies boxed up out in the garage. Print-on-demand web sites like CreateSpace and Lulu have made print publishing as accessible as e-publishing.

And yet, perhaps because it is so accessible that literally anyone can do it, and despite the fact that more and more professional, traditionally published authors are turning to self-publishing as a means of taking charge of their careers, there’s still a sense of snobbery toward self-publishing that prevents a lot of aspiring authors from going that route. It’s this idea that being self-published isn’t really being published; it doesn’t really count without the blessing of an agent and a major New York publisher. And there’s this pervasive fear that self-publishing will be seen as “giving up” and you’ll be looked down on by your peers and by the writing and publishing industry as a whole, and you’ll give up your chances for good of being traditionally published. That fear pervades even as one self-published author after another is making headlines by getting major book deals from the major publishing companies because of their self-published books.

I know because I had to get over this fear and sense of snobbery myself, and I still see it all the time among my aspiring author friends. I would look at self-published authors who were doing well and think, “That’s great for them, but I won’t feel like a real author if I don’t get traditionally published.” Obviously, I’ve gotten past this line of thinking. So what changed?

For one thing, I watched my fellow indie author David Michael, who I know locally from NaNoWriMo meet-ups, as he began and grew his self-publishing career. His books looked professional, he was getting excellent reviews and making money, nobody appeared to be looking down on him for being self-published, and most importantly, he seemed like he was having a blast. I saw him transform from a wannabe author like me into a professional career novelist, and it was awesome.

That inspired me to give self-publishing a little more consideration, and I started doing the math. I could go the traditional route with my newest novel and send out agent queries. If I was lucky, I would hear back from one or two agents in three to six months who asked to read my novel. If I was really lucky, I’d hear back another six months after that from one of them wanting to represent my book. And if I was exceptionally blessed, I would hear back in another six months to a year that they’ve found a publisher for my book who wanted to pay me a $5,000 advance (yes, that’s the average size of advances for new authors these days; the giant, six- or seven-figure advances you hear about in the news make headlines because they’re so rare that it makes them newsworthy when they happen). And then I just have to sit back and wait another two years or so for the official release date!

But as an aside, let’s say you’re one of the very, very lucky ones who scores a $100,000 advance. Divide that over the year (or several) that you spent writing and polishing the book, the additional year or two (or three) that it took to find an agent and a publisher, and the additional two years it takes the publisher to actually publish the book… and congratulations! You’ve now made the equivalent salary of an underpaid schoolteacher.

So I could go that route, or I could try this self-publishing thing. I could cut out the middle-man and take my stories directly to the readers—something musicians and other types of artists and creatives are expected to do, with no stigma attached—and I could have them out there, getting read and building a fan-base and making money. Not a lot of money, especially in the beginning, but percentage-wise, a lot more than I’d be making per book than if I had an agent and publisher both taking their cuts. And I would only need to sell about 2,300 books at $2.99 to make the equivalent of that $5,000 beginner’s advance. And I wouldn’t have to worry about having a limited print run and a short window of time to sell enough books to earn out that advance before they all got remaindered and taken off of the shelves, because virtual store shelves never run out of space and virtually published books never go out of print.

Taking all of that into consideration, it seemed like kind of a no-brainer, and yet I was still hesitant. What gave me the final push was an epiphany I had one day when I was looking at a paperback that my husband had just gotten from Amazon. I was looking to see who had published it, and I realized that it was a self-published POD book from Xlibris. This wasn’t obvious at first glance, and I was impressed with the quality of the book. I asked my husband if he realized the book was self-published, and he said that he hadn’t realized it—nor did he care. That knowledge made absolutely no difference whatsoever to his desire to read that book, and it wouldn’t have made any difference in his decision to buy it.

That’s when I realized that the self-publishing stigma is limited mainly to aspiring writers and to those whose livelihoods are threatened by the rise of self-published books—and even among that latter group, the stigma is waning as they begin to mine self-published authors for talent in order to stay afloat. Among the vast majority of the reading and book-buying public—the people who turn books into best-sellers—the stigma doesn’t exist. They simply don’t care where a book comes from, as long as it’s a good read. Oh, sure, there are the literary snobs who turn their noses up at self-published books, but these are generally the same people who also turn their noses up at genre and commercial fiction, and they are in the vast minority. The average citizen reader couldn’t give a rat’s poop whether the book they hold in their hands came from Simon and Schuster or from CreateSpace.

And that is when I realized that the stigma shouldn’t exist for me, either, and I decided to become a self-published author; and in terms of personal gratification and career satisfaction, it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.


I have to confess, I don’t listen much to NPR, and so I’m really only familiar with Ira Glass through his fans throughout the Kingdom of Blog. But between this and his Buffy advice, I think I’m kinda crushing on the guy a little. I might have to start downloading his radio show.

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Open Source Idea

I’m going to borrow a page from and post an idea I had that I don’t have time to follow through on, at least not for a very long time. I would post it under a creative commons license, but since you can’t really copyright an idea anyway, that seems a bit redundant, so just consider this open source, and recognize that whatever you choose to do with it, I still have the right to do my own thing with it somewhere down the road, if the spirit moves me. 😉

I am so very, very sick of the phrase, “Obesity epidemic.” Dear Media: Obesity is not a virus.

Except, what if it was?

And what if a scientist discovered this, and developed a vaccine? But the Diet Industry, which has a huge stake in everyone staying fat, will try to stop the vaccine at any cost. And what’s the source of the virus, anyway? Evolution? Invading aliens? A vast, corrupt conspiracy?

If you decide to take this idea and run with it, I would love to see what you come up with.

Happy writing!


Note: I pounded out the following last night after a glass and a half of wine and in the middle of a writing frenzy, all while being distractingly nosed by my cat. I tried to edit it for coherency.

This interview with Ira Glass, of NPR’s This American Life, contains some pretty excellent advice about creating emotional resonance that I’m sure most readers of this journal can relate to. It’s a lesson he learned back in the day from Marti Noxon, and that is to always take time to answer the question, ”What does Buffy feel?” This is the essence of every great episode of that show, and all of the cool action and witty lines were empty and soulless without it (well, okay, for me in the last few seasons it was the dual question, ”What does Spike feel, and what does Buffy feel about Spike?” Because that’s the kind of obsessive, single-minded shipper I was (well, okay: am)).

Of course, in fiction that is not about Buffy (or Spike), ”Buffy” is just a stand-in for your main character, or your narrator—whomever is the most affected By what’s happening. Reading this, I realized that I subconsciously try to answer this question in every chapter. Maybe this is just an instinct born from all of those hours watching the series (not to mention all those hours writing fan-fiction that was specifically about Buffy’s feelings). But if there’s one thing that’s safe to say about my own writing, it’s that my characters FEEL. And because of that, I feel for them, maybe a little more intensely than I should. Hopefully, my readers will, too.

…I think I had more of a specific point when I started this, but I didn’t seem to get to it, and I’ll be darned if I can remember what that point was. So let’s just each infer our own, shall we? Yes, let’s. Or, you could just go read the article. You should! It’s good.


In other news, I just installed yWriter, and it looks like it just might do the job of saving my sanity (my sanity tends to need a lot of saving; I should probably talk to someone about that) as I rework my manuscript into a second draft. I’ll try to post a review after I’ve gotten to know it better.